MEMBER ARTICLE: Coming Out as Kinky
from
Recon News
11 June 2019
By DeviantSIRNC
I sat back as I typed the text my fingers trembled. "Am I really going to do this?" I thought to myself. I texted one of my best friends, a guy I grew up with. I made the decision earlier that day that tonight I was going to come out as kinky and gay. I nervously sent the text "Hey Tom. Free tonight for a drink?" I nervously waited for a reply. It felt like an eternity waiting. Finally, a reply "I get off at 7:30. PJ's?" I sat back "Yea" I replied.
Tom was a cop, a real masculine man. Inside my head I figured if he could accept me anyone would. He and I were always close. Sure, we went through periods of not speaking because of some bullshit or misunderstanding. Our friendship had endured and here I was trusting him with something very important to me.
At 6:40 I grabbed a quick shower and did my hair in my typical spike look. I walked over to the closet and picked out my "gear." Black leather jeans, a black leather shirt, vest and my 20-inch tall Wescos. I decided against the tie and Muir. I wasn't doing a BLUF function. I nervously fumbled with my buttons. I tried to talk myself out of it. I was doing this; I made the decision. My dick instantly became hard because I was finally being real with myself.
I got to PJ's first. I grabbed a table near the back. My chain wallet which I always wear as a safety net clanked against the wooden chair. I kept checking my phone for timing. Fiddling with the straps of my Wescos. I made sure I was facing away from him looking at the menu. After a few minutes he felt him tap me on the shoulder. His expression priceless. He asked me if I road my bike. When the answer was no! The questions came. First one was simple are you gay? I grabbed my water and took a big gulp. Yes, I replied. His eyes got wide. Then he asked if I was one of those "leather guys." I explained that for me leather was about pure masculinity. It was sexual and made me feel normal. He put his hand on my pants leg and smiled. "You're still the same guy you were 4 hours ago when you texted me. Nothing's changed!" I discussed with him being kinky, bondage, and why men. We went back to a normal conversation. My first time out in leather with a straight friend and nothing changed. A week later he texted me that he hadn't seen me that happy in a long time.
My first experience was a good one but not everyone's will mimic this. I've had cousins tell me I'm a sick individual. I've had other friends who don't understand it. I'm an open book. Because I'm into something doesn't mean I'm going to proselytize it. It's what I'm into. You're into other things that I might not be into. It's what makes us individuals. More people need to remain open and be accepting. Instead of talking about it, they need to practice it.
For every 10 good experiences I've had a nasty one. I went to San Francisco to meet my lesbian cousin. I had made a choice to tell her what I was into. I did shop in the Castro that day and I knew I was going to be pressed for time. At dinner I casually brought up kink. The reply I got back was that I'm a sick individual and that I needed to see a therapist. After that I haven't spoken to her. No need to.
The best advice I can give you is to be open about what you're into. If people get offended then, guess what folks, they aren't your people. If they can't accept that you're into full on kinky sex, where either you get bound or you're binding someone, then maybe they never knew you. I've always been taught to be yourself and if someone doesn't like you that's their problem not yours.
I opened up to another cousin one night and found out was kinky too. He asked for some advice on toys and different devices he could use. He thanked me at the end of the conversation and even joked I was much cooler now. My typical reply of 'smart ass' came into play.
Being open about who and what we are will help other non-kink people accept who we are. While not all of us will be blessed with good experiences and positive openness from the vanilla and straight worlds, we should allow discussion with our friends or attempt to kink educate them. It won't be for everyone, but I can tell you that out of my really close friends - people who know me - I've only lost one friend. (The major reason he decided to drop me was because he's in the seminary and what I'm doing is the work of the "devil").
Where am I today with kink? I've worn leather out in public in every major city I've visited. I'm completely out as kinky and gay. I recently moved to Raleigh, NC for a new job. My boss Anna and my co-workers all know I'm gay and kinky. A few weeks ago, I went to Whole Foods in leather pants and harness boots. Get ready for the reaction… No one said a thing! We are a select group within a much larger group; we should support each other and be open about who we are. We are gay kinky men! Let's embrace it and educate!
If you'd like to share your experiences of fetish and kink, send your ideas for an article to: social@recon.com
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