We get to know member Mat1. He talks about his love of bondage, discovering his kinky side and what it's like to be a trans guy on the fetish scene.
Recon: What are your main fetishes?
Mat1: Bondage is becoming my main thing. I'm also really liking leather and military guys. I do like edging and I'm getting into CP but that's still early stages.
R: What is it about these kinks and fetishes that turns you on?
M: With bondage it's the feeling of not being in control. You're really trusting the Dom with your safety, but it makes things more intense. Like edging is very controlling and coupled with bondage becomes a very strong scene. In terms of wearing gear it can transform a person and is very visual. Love seeing a guy wearing it.
R: When did you first realise you had a kinky side?
M: Probably late teens. I would watch kink related videos or read people's experiences and just got really into it. I then decided to do it for real. Luckily, I made a friend who was also kinky, and he showed me how to go about meeting people.
R: What are your favourite types of kinky play?
M: Dom and sub dynamic. Although I'm bloody cheeky and can make a Dom laugh so he needs to be able to handle that. :-) I can definitely get them going before our meet, I just think it gives a Dom something to work with, I've thrown down the gauntlet and set a challenge. It builds up to the actual meet, so they tend to really look forward to getting me back.
R: What's it like to be a trans guy on the fetish scene?
M: Just like anyone else really. You got to find your kink or kinks. There is a place for trans guys like there is for gay, straight, bisexuals etc. You find what works for you. The only thing I can say is you can be a fetish, some really like trans. Its 50/50 how that goes. It can either be uncomfortable or they are nice guys who just happen to like trans guys. A few times a person hasn't read my profile or somehow has managed to skip the FTM bit. That can lead to very amusing reactions.
R: As a kinky trans guy, is it fair to say you've come out three time? Once as trans, once as a gay trans man and once as kinky? How were these experiences?
M: It can definitely be seen that way. Although being gay and kinky always went together so I kind of came out as both gay and kinky at the same time. I was a bit concerned because you don't know how others will take it. Gay people can be just as nasty. Also I've not had any lower surgery yet, I don't think I'd go for phalloplasty but looking at metoidioplasty instead. I do hope surgical techniques keep improving. Then I may consider phalloplasty.
R: Do you think the gay fetish world embraces trans guys, in your experience?
M: It's got better for sure. But you are in a unique situation. More so, I think, If you're pre-op. So not had surgeries or like me, have had chest but not lower surgery. I've been turned down before because I'm trans and that's fine. The other person needs to feel comfortable as well, it's a two-way street. I understand why I wouldn't be for many on sites like recon as, let's face it, I don't have a penis and it's an important part of play for a number of gay men. Don't get me wrong, it has got very frustrating at times, as I did go for a while without any meets; was getting a couple of messages from those I really didn't match with. But I wasn't going to jump on the first person who showed interest. Occasionally I've come across those that are just unsure, they don't want to do anything wrong. I understand as I have to look at it in their eyes. What I would ask is what have you got to lose? If it doesn't go well then you just part ways and move on. Don't be afraid to approach a trans guy if he interests you. I would say don't ask the ''what have you got?'' question within the first message, it's very personal, it's like me saying '' hi, you don't know me but how big is your penis? ''
Those I've chatted to have been glad I'm so open as I'm very willing to answer questions for anyone who is genuinely nice and interested. Have to admit, it's felt like I've been doing an anatomy class at times, the responses have been great, you can almost see how it clicks into place in the persons mind. However, not every trans person will want to talk so openly and that must be respected.
R: What kind of guys are you into?
M: That's a tricky one. As I mentioned before, gear transforms someone so once you put on say leather, military or rubber gear etc it can all change. I don't really have an age range and I've surprised myself before where first impressions were '' I'm not sure if this person is my type?'' But after chatting I've decided that I'd like to meet them after all. The attraction mostly comes from how you speak to me, as an example, I'd rather play with an older man who's kind and respectful, than a guy around my age who thinks he's gods' gift. You can be very handsome but can have an ugly attitude.
R: Is there any fetish or kink that you've not tried that you're keen to give a go?
M: Heavy bondage. I just want to do more restrictive stuff. I would also love to do longer play sessions.
R: Finally, if you'd like to say anything to other members that we've not covered, here's your opportunity
M: I would say that in terms of how I identify, it is a man/male. Trans male is just really a way for me to explain to someone. I am not speaking on behalf of every trans guy, that would be wrong, its more on a personal level. I thought in the early stages, what have I done to deserve this? I was hurting badly as I couldn't understand why I was feeling the way I did, like nature had played a cruel trick. I reckon I should sue mother nature. She owes me compensation! I haven't been handed my gender on a plate, so I've had to make changes, go through pain and make life long decisions. I don't know if I'll ever be 100% satisfied. I do get envious of other men sometimes, who have the ''natural equipment'', shall we say. I would love to just wish for it and, bing! It's there. But that's not going to happen.
What I do want to mention is to any gay man wandering if by wanting to play or even starting a relationship with a trans guy, does that mean I'm still gay? Of course you are. You are attracted to the man they are. Gender is far more than physical looks or what you have in your trousers. It's what you truly feel. I have had some sweet guys who've asked me how I would like them to refer to certain things like body parts, others do just go right in and use certain words, luckily I'm not too phased. But someone else may find it offensive. There're so many words you can use, it's amazing how we've managed to come up with so many. But the best way, I think, is to ask first so you don't accidently put your foot in it. Personally, I don't shy away from the technical terms, I try to avoid slang words, so it doesn't get lost in translation. Otherwise I can see it being a bit like stumbling around in the dark, not knowing what to do.
My last meet worked brilliantly. But I'm always one step ahead, being the cheeky, fun sub I am I did message after to explain and with a score. Sub - 1 - Dom - 0 Needless to say, they are looking forward to our next meeting. ;-)