As far as I can remember, my first sexual thoughts were at the same time my first fetish fantasies. Many tell of their first contact with a particular fetish or of a date they were introduced to a particular fetish. I cannot tell a story like that. The attraction that rubber or bondage exerts on me has always been there.
Not least because of the environment in which I grew up, I was ashamed for my sexuality during my youth – ashamed to be gay and of being into things that quite a few people would call "abnormal". Nevertheless, it became clear to me relatively quickly that nothing would change in my feelings and that I would have to find a way to deal with it. At the age of 18 I bought my first rubber shirt. Since then my collection of rubber and other toys has grown year after year. Today you can fill a wardrobe with that collection.
Despite coming to terms with my tastes early on, I've not had the opportunity to fully live out my fetishes. It's not that I haven't had some rubber or fetish dates over the years, but these dates were much too rare and could almost never give me what I was really looking for. This is certainly due to the fact that you only learn what you are really looking for, and what your needs are, through experience. On the other hand, it is also because I'm not necessarily the most extroverted person, I have difficulties approaching strangers and talking openly about my needs. I have always admired people who deal openly with their fetish, socialise and make fetish friends - people who are part of a lively fetish community.
Several years have passed since I ordered my first rubber shirt online. This year is my 30th birthday. I have a wonderful husband who doesn't share my view of fetish 100%, but still stands 100% by me and gives me the freedom I need to live out my fetishes and fulfil my needs. That is not always to be expected, and I am very grateful to him!
There is a need that has grown particularly strongly in me in recent times: the need to become a part of the above-mentioned fetish community. I want to find new friends and live out my fetishes with them. I want to be part of a community in which you can exchange ideas and discover new things together. That's why I recently made the decision to make 2019 the year in which I will participate in my first fetish event! The only problem is that all the things that have kept me from living out my fetishes in the last few years have, of course, not disappeared over night. The idea of going to a fetish party alone makes me more than nervous. I'm not a huge fan of parties. I prefer the smaller and quieter settings. There are hardly any parties that I have attended in my life. I'm afraid of feeling swamped and not knowing how to behave. I'm afraid of feeling alone and lost there. So, what do I do? How do I approach it?
I have thought a lot about it, and I have come to the decision that accessing the community via individual contacts and friends is easier than trying to hurl oneself into something on one's own. So, this year, I not only want to attend my first fetish party, I also want to get over my concerns and get to know a lot of the guys I only know from Recon. In this way I hope to find access to the fetish community and meet many people from all over the world who are proud of their fetish. I hope that one day I'll be able to make my own contribution to a lively community and to have fetish friends and contacts in many different places. I want to broaden my horizon through sexual adventures, as well as being able to enjoy fetish in a relaxed way on quiet evenings with friends.
Decisions have been made. The plan has been set. And the first step is about to be taken! The first personal meeting with a really great Recon contact is scheduled for 2nd February. Despite the nervousness and excitement, I am at the same time extremely looking forward to that personal meeting. I don't know how this meeting is going to go. I also don't know exactly when I can really overcome myself to take part in a fetish party. But I have the feeling that on the 2nd February, I will take my first step in the direction that I have decided to go. I have the feeling that my journey into the fetish world has only just begun...
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